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by FiveBoxes Staff | 2011-07-18 14:25 

We recently noticed this news item where a couple of little girls in Georgia were forced by the chief of police to shut down their lemonade stand because they didn’t have the necessary permits. Three permits totaling $150 for one day of operation, to be exact.

This sort of nanny-state Gestapoism is not just ridiculous. It is an affront to liberty which should outrage us all.

But it does serve to provide us with not just fodder to write about, but it also a reason to revisit an older post from one of our contributors, revise it, and update it:

  • If life gives you lemons, a socialist would say: “You have lemons? Well, a strong Government hand is needed to distribute the lemons more equitably. The Government needs to ensure that other people have lemons, too. Now, you may have to give up some of your lemons so that other people can have some, but it’s not fair that you have all these lemons and other people might not have any.”
  • If life gives you lemons, a communist would say: “Those lemons are the property of the State. If you did not get your lemons from the state — and since you have a whole bagful and are not a member of the ruling elite I know you did not — then you must surrender your lemons to the State, then stand in line so that you may receive a sliver of dried out rotten lemon six months from now.”
  • If life gives you lemons, a communitarian would say: “It’s great that you have lemons. And you should be able to do anything you want to with those lemons. But we’re going to tell you how you can use them and how you can’t use them. We’re also going to regulate the usage of them to make sure that they’re all used for the common good. And if you make too much money on them, we’ll tax you. For the common good.”
  • If life gives you lemons, every politician will say: “Tell you what I’m going to do for you. I’m going to take half of your lemons and in return I’m going to give you half a packet of sugar so that you can make a sip of lemonade with it.”
  • If life gives you lemons, a Democrat would say: “That’s too bad that you have lemons but no sugar or water or cups. I’m going to end tax breaks for big oil and corporate jet owners and then I’ll pass a law that gives you money for sugar and water and cups. I won’t check in to make sure you use it for those things. I trust you. Vote for me!”
  • If life gives you lemons, a Republican would say: “That’s great that you have lemons! Do you have any sugar and water and cups? No? Well I’ll pass a law to give you a tax break so that you can use the extra money to buy sugar and water and cups. I won’t check in to make sure you use it for those things. I trust you. Vote for me!”
  • If life gives you lemons, a Libertarian would say: “That’s great that you have lemons. I don’t care what you do with them so long as you don’t squeeze lemon juice in my eye. No sugar, no water, no cups? Not my problem.”
  • If life gives you lemons, a welfare recipient would say, “Why did you get lemons and I didn’t?! That’s not fair! I’m gonna vote for someone who is gonna make sure that I get my fair share of lemons for free!”
  • If life gives you lemons, a capitalist would say, “You have lemons? You should start a lemonade business! You don’t have sugar or water or cups? For a 25% stake in your company, I’ll invest.”

And finally: If life gives you lemons and you choose to set up a lemonade stand in Midway, Georgia, the chief of police will say: “Where are your permits, little girl?”


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Comments (1)

One Response to “If life gives you lemons…”

  1. M. LaMorte Says:

    More like:

    If life gives you lemons and you choose to set up a lemonade stand in Midway, Georgia, the chief of police will say: “Papers, please”